snow plow

We got a little snow today. It was only about an inch and a half, but it fell in big, fat, fluffy flakes and it was beautiful. When it was done, I thought maybe I should go on out and shovel since I was headed to the grocery store as soon as Steve got home and knew that neither of us would want to traipse outside after dinner to do the shoveling. I was also secretly aching to get Carter out in the snow.

Carter was only too happy to put his boots, coat, hat, and mitten on. He was sure we were going somewhere in the car and was somewhat surprised when I handed him a kid sized shovel and grabbed one of my own. He stood and watched me for about 35 milli-seconds before he dove right in. He's a natural! Both of the other kids, at age 3, repeatedly pushed the snow directly into the clean space I'd just shoveled. Not Carter. He pushed it right over to the edge of the driveway, shored up on the shovel handle, and used his leg to help lift the shovel upright to dump the snow right along side my pile.

It was a really good lesson in not doing things for him. It's HARD for me to watch him struggle sometimes. Most often, though, he ends up figuring it out for himself and is proud of himself for doing it. And when he can't, he asks for help. And When I leave it alone, I get to witness my darling son's creativity and determination - and his joy and pride.

look both ways

This afternoon I charged Colby with the "big kid" duty of running across the street to return some shoes to a neighbor. I told him to be sure to look both ways before he crossed our cul de sac. He ran out the door, down the drive, saw a neighborhood boy and talked to him, kicked some snow and took about three steps into the road. I literally watched the lightbulb go on and he turned heel and ran back to the sidewalk. Just to be sure he wasn't going to be busted, he looked left, looked right, looked left again, looked right again...one more glance left and off he went. He made it safely there and back safely and was quite proud of himself. I was pretty proud of him, too.

Yowza!

Wow. It's been over a week since I last posted. I guess it's obvious that life has been crazy! Colby got a nasty cold that had me thinking strep, and then Steve caught it. Kailin got a milder version and I fear that Carter and I are finally succumbing. I know I am - jury's out on Carter.

It's been a lot of everyday life around here. Carter's starting to use more and more English with correct context these days. He's good with bye-bye and his new favorite is "sANk you!!" (the middle of the word is noticeably louder) He's johnny on the spot with "bless you" as well. However, he's quick to revert to Chinese when he's a. excited about something and wants to bring you in on the action b.angry. Yesterday Steve made him angry by removing him from the connectagons after he wouldn't share with Colby. He ran off for the stairs, screaming at Steve in Chinese the whole way. All we got out of it was baba (dad).

Speaking of baba, Carter is sometimes calling Steve "daddy" now. It's not often, but it's sometimes there. And Colby is still gege most often, but "Ha-bee" sneaks in there now and again - especially at bedtime. It's a little "Waltons-esque" but the boys lay down in their beds and then Carter usually sits back up and says, "Night nigh, Ha-bee. Yubba-you!" Kailin is still jiejie all the time.

We're headed to the Asian market tomorrow after church to stock up on some supplies for our Chinese New Year celebration Monday night. It'll be the first time Carter sees us in a group of mostly Asian people since China. I'm hoping that it's a non-event, but I am curious to see his reaction.

firsts

Today Carter treated me to two firsts.

This morning while we were snuggling on the couch, he looked over at me and as I gazed down at him, he looked right into my eyes and said, "labbaloo". It was unsolicited and it was absolutely priceless. It melted my heart into a big pile of goo.

A less serious, but equally noteworthy accomplishment tonight was his first full sentence in English. "You made a stinky toot!" will go down in history as the first complete sentence he said in English. The best part - HE made the stinky toot! That's my boy....

tonight

I've been away from home when the kids have gone to bed the last couple of nights. The big kids prefer me to put them to bed, but if I'm not around, Steve is just as good. "Carter prefers me to put him to bed" would be a huge understatement. He didn't give Steve any trouble the past two nights, but he made it CLEAR that he wanted and needed me to lay with him tonight. Happy to oblige!

I laid down next to him in his bed and he immediately rolled on his side, stuck his hand under the pillow I was using, reached out to me with his short arm, snuggled into my body and bent his leg in such a fashion that he maximized the contact points. It was touching and sad at the same time. I get the feeling that he's still not 100% convinced that we will always come home when we leave. He's okay with the big kids going to school on the bus, but if one of us takes one or both big kids and leaves him home the impact on him is clear. He is BESIDE HIMSELF with joy when the missing child/ren return. I'm positive it's because he remembers a day when his foster brother got into a car with their mama (or someone else) and then never came back. It hurts beyond words not to be able to help him understand (other than with time and proof that we always come back) that we are his family FOREVER.

It continues to amaze me the level of trust this child puts in me considering that he's known me one month. On the one hand, I get that he doesn't really have a choice. I'm the only choice he's got. But what amazes me (and this revelation came when we were walking into the restroom at Target) is that this child will literally hold my hand and follow me anywhere I ask him to go. He never balks or questions. Whatever his motivation, more than with either of the other kids, I am truly honored and touched. I hope I am able to prove to him soon that this mama will never, ever leave him and I pray that I'm able to explain to him before he ever thinks to feel differently that his two China moms loved him more than he will ever know and that their choice to leave him was not theirs to make. I hope he will trust me with wild abandon when I tell him that his China mamas loved him so very much that they made painful decisions to make sure that he would live a long and full life.

Getting back to tonight, after he got in and got comfortable, I moved his hand from beneath my pillow so that I could hold it. He thought that was a fine idea, but wanted our fingers interlaced. Okay by me! That's usually the point when he smiles, sighs, and goes to sleep. Not tonight. He locked eyes with me and started whispering in Chinese. I listened intently and longed to know what he was telling me. Soon his little monologue turned into a song. I know it involved babies and mamas, but beyond that I was lost. It had quite a few verses and was actually a little bit like the hokey pokey. He was stomping his foot in one verse and swinging his hips in another. One verse had him blowing like the wind and still another had him tum tum tumming. He'd squeeze my hand a few quick times during what I assume was the refrain. He smiled through the whole song and I'm hoping that means it was a happy memory for him. I let him go on and on both because I never want to squelch anything he chooses to share with me and also because I don't know when or if I'll ever hear that song again. I longed for some way to record it all, but I knew that if I got up to get the video camera, the magic would be lost and I wouldn't get to record it anyway. I will treasure the memory of this night for a long, long time to come.

one month (Happy Belated Birthday)

One month ago this week (this post has been ruminating for a couple of days due to the utter craziness that was this week) we met Carter for the first time and one day later he was officially ours to love and cherish forever.

It is absolutely amazing how he has already wound his way into the depths of my heart in a very inextricable way. Already I cannot imagine a day without him. He is a joyful child, simply put. When he sleeps with me, which is becoming more rare these days, he literally wakes with a smile on his face. It's impossible for me to fully articulate the way looking over and seeing his gentle smile first thing in the morning makes me feel. My heart melts and I can't help but reach out to him for a snuggle. Carter is absolutely impossible not to love (not that I even bothered to try!). He is a gentle soul who keys in to others' emotions and is quick to alert me when someone in the house is upset. His heart bruises easily and a stern word is enough to send him running from the room in tears, so we've had to be pretty careful about chasing him down to assure him that we love him still. He has a fiery side, although it is not often the one he chooses to show. He is tenacious and if you push him to the limit, has a fierce temper. I'm thankful that he's most often joyful and I adore the way his eyes arch and his nose crinkles up when he's wearing his biggest grin.

He's been amazingly patient with communication and I am thankful for that, too. He will patiently try and try and try again to get us to understand what he's trying to say. He still chatters on in Chinese and then looks at us with raised eyebrows as if to say, "you got that, right?" Sometimes he ends his monologue with his characteristic "eh?" and I soak that right up. It's, in my humble opinion, SO Chinese. A part of me is sad that soon he'll speak more English than Chinese and that he'll never get it back once it's gone. Even if we enrolled him in Chinese school, we've learned that much of what he speaks is Fuyang dialect and the only way he'd get that back is to return to live in Fuyang. I guess a part of me feels like that will be one more thing he loses in his little life.

I'm so thankful for his amazing foster family. This boy was CLEARLY loved and cherished in his home and I believe that it is the reason he has allowed us to love and cherish him so readily. I am quite certain that I will cry the day we have to cut his red bracelet off of his arm. I can see from pictures that he's been wearing it a long time. I'm hoping we have a long time until that has to happen. When it does, we will keep it for him always.

Lastly, and most importantly, I'm so incredibly thankful to Carter's birthparents for choosing to leave him where they knew he would be found. In choosing to leave Carter where he would be found, loved, and cared for they have given us the greatest gift we could ever ask for - the chance to be his parents.

This past month has brought amazing changes to our family and I'm so very thankful to the One who made it all possible.

Say what?

Carter's English comprehension continues to improve every day. He amazes us with all that he can understand. The speaking, as we expected, is coming a little slower. He's a fantastic mimic and can pretty easily repeat most things - but recalling them and knowing when to use them are still a work in progress. I wanted to share a couple videos I took last night because I'm so proud of my boy - and he's stinkin' cute, too!

A Christmas full of didn'ts.

Christmas is a big deal in our house. Steve and I have always loved the Christmas season and that's why our anniversary falls in December. I love the entirety of the season. It feels warm and cozy to me and I always feel like people are just a little kinder to each other during the Christmas season. Maybe that's all in the perception, but it's one of the things I love. I LOVE Christmas music and could really listen all year long. I love the baking and the decorating and the big dance of getting our tree and of buying gifts I think people will truly enjoy. I adore the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas and I try hard to treasure every moment. Our family has a lot of Christmas traditions and they are all important to me. The Christmas season doesn't feel the same without each and every one of them.

This year we didn't:
1. Put up our Christmas village. It didn't happen before we left for China and by the time we got home, it was really close to Christmas to be packing away all of the decorations that normally adorn the shelves above our living room windows.

2. Have a giant cookie baking day. I LOVE baking cookies and baking them with my kids each year is a tradition going back to the year we brought Kailin home. This year the weekend the kids came home was packed full of new beginnings and then Kailin was in school every day until December 23 - it didn't seem right to bake without her.

3. Get out our holiday/winter dishes. We probably still could, but it just seems like a lot of work for a month of use at this point.

4. Tromp out to cut down our Christmas tree. We didn't do it Thanksgiving weekend like we usually do because we wanted to save it to do as a family once Carter was home. We didn't realize that we'd only have 2 days where it would be light enough when we could go since the kids didn't get home from school until it was already starting to get dark.

5. Watch "A Christmas Story" or "Muppet Christmas Carol". Those two are STAPLES in my Christmas movie repertoire and I didn't see either this year. We OWN them and I still didn't manage it.

6. Get our fill of Christmas music. We even streamed it a little in China and I started listening here at home on...gasp...November 1 and still neither of us (Steve's usually ready to give it the heave ho on December 26) felt like we got enough of it.

7. Go to the Gannaway Christmas Eve celebration. This is the first year in 10 years that we haven't spent some time with Steve's parents and siblings on Christmas Eve. We figured that a new location combined with a slew of new people and kids and presents would probably be a little overwhelming for Carter.

8. Celebrate as a family of four. This is one didn't that I can wrap my arms around and celebrate. This last didn't makes all the other didn'ts seem well worth it. I would miss every single one of my Christmas traditions just to have this didn't. Our hearts were more full this Christmas than they've been in over a year. We DIDN'T have to celebrate this Christmas with a piece of our hearts halfway across the world, and for that I am SO thankful.