hot, hot, hot

Yesterday Molly Kate came down with a fever.  It's wasn't a "She's burning up!  Fetch the doctor" kind of fever, it was a "Hmm...she's feeling pretty warm.  I bet that's why she's sleepy" kind of fever.  We gave her some ibuprofen and as soon as it kicked in, she was right as rain and running around in her usual giggly way.  The fever flared again around bedtime, as fevers often do, and I gave her another dose of ibuprofen hoping that it would help her rest more comfortably.  And then I laid her down to rest.  She didn't pout, she didn't fuss, but she also didn't go right to sleep.  I sat on the end of our bed in the dark and listened to her breathing.  Was she breathing shallower and more rapidly than normal?  I couldn't tell.  Was she awake because her temp was going up and she was nearing delirium?  I couldn't tell.  And while the likelihood of either of those being the case was slim, it was clear to me that with this new little one - I don't know her fever MO.  I don't know her history.  I DON'T KNOW.  And that is both humbling and sad and it struck a little fear into my heart.  I've done my dwarfism research and know that most often kids with dwarfism are just regular kids, but when your baby is sick your mind goes wild and when your baby is newly home and sick and has a special need that you have little experience with, it just adds fuel to the fire. It was like Kailin's first fever all over again - WHAT DO WE DO???  It makes you want to call your mom.  If Kailin or Carter has a fever like Molly Kate's, I give them ibuprofen and tuck them into bed and calmly wait to see if they call in the night.  If Colby has a fever, I know I need to watch him carefully because he will probably spike high and need immediate attention.  But with Molly Kate I just didn't know and it made me want to tuck her into our bed so that I could be right along side her all night long.  I didn't because I know that none of the three of us gets our best night of rest if she's in our bed and SHE was content to be in her bed, and she WAS in our room, just feet from me, anyway.  We all made it through the night just fine and although she woke up warm again today, she's doing just fine.  I'm hoping the next time (maybe tonight) that she has a fever I can be my calm motherly self and see it for what it is - just her body fighting something off.  I'll be honest in saying that I will be glad to be past the "new kid" stage for the very last time! 

we've been home a week! (or two)

We've been home just over a week (or two) and clearly I haven't had much of a chance to post.  Part of it literally is not much chance - four kids' demands have proven to keep me pretty busy!  The other part of it has been jet lag.  At first, I was up late into the night, but without much coherence.  The last 3 or 4 days (or maybe that was a week ago), both Steve and I are in bed by 8:30 because we literally cannot stay awake any longer!

In some ways it's easy to believe that we've only been home two weeks.  In others (LOTS of others) it seems like China is already a million miles away.  We are settling in. 

The big kids (I cannot believe Carter is now sometimes (oft, actually) a big kid in our house.  Oh my heart!!) are still loving on their new sister a little more than she wants to be loved on most times.  "Leave her be!!" is a common phrase.  I know they just want to love on her.  And bless their hearts for that.  It's hard to explain to them that she's not used to being QUITE so loved.  Kailin is in Heaven when Molly Kate will allow her to pick her up and tote her around a little.  I pray that their relationship will continue to grow and that someday in the not too distant future they'll be sharing secrets and giggling in the dark.  We're not quite there yet!

And Heaven help the one who touches her stuff!!  It's safe to say that that she doesn't know a thing about sharing.  Except that she does.  It's complicated.  She is kind of heart and generous when it's her idea.  I think that sums it up.  But Hell hath no fury like Molly Kate when someone touches her stuff.  GOOD HEAVENS.  Yes, we will need to work on that.  We ARE working on that - but it's itty bitty teensy baby steps because the language is slow in coming.

I'm feeling like she's starting to comprehend a decent amount of what we say to her, but Carter's verbal language development was much faster than Molly Kate's has been, and she still has just a few words in her repertoire - not all of them particularly helpful.  I do have to say as we sat down to our lunch of Costco hot dogs yesterday (and please no one lecture me about hot dogs.  I know - I truly know - and while we don't make it a regular practice, they're a tasty, inexpensive way to feed us all when we're out and about and I can live with it.  My youngest child was just gnawing on chicken feet two weeks ago and I'm guessing she's eaten far worse than a hot dog before....), she was rubbing her very round belly with every bite saying "mmmm....tasty!!"  THAT is helpful.  "Skippito" (we are a big fans of the SkippyJonJones series) is not so helpful, but is definitely cute!  "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" is equal parts helpful and frustrating.  "You done?" comes in handy when we have her in the bathroom.  Hoping that will transform to "I'm done" at some point, but for now it definitely works!!  "Mama", as with all of my children, both warms my heart and fills me with joy and makes me want to stab myself in the eye with a pencil sometimes.  Since "mama" is one of her few words, she often uses it just to be able to say something.  Standing right next to me, she might say "mama" twelve or thirteen times and no matter how many times I say, "What do you need, mei mei?" she will just say "mama?" all over again.  It's endearing and maddening all at the same time!  I've never in my life so wanted to be called "Frank"! 

She's still sleeping in a pack 'n play in our bedroom, much to Kailin's chagrin, because she wakes once or twice a night needing comfort.  Most often we can just rub her back, pull her blankets up around her, and she's back to sleep.  Sometimes she raises her arms and we indulge her.  We know that it won't be forever (although sometimes I would swear otherwise in the dead of night!) and, speaking for myself, this time when she is totally dependent on us is precious and short.  I don't mind having her in our bed occasionally (said after she's not been in our bed in several nights - ask me again the morning after she has been!) - and I love the feeling of her little body all snuggled up against mine and her (not so sweet) breath in my face. 

It's an amazing blessing to gaze down at her, sleeping peacefully, as I head into bed each night and think "Could God have made a more perfect creature?"  I'm NOT saying she is perfect.  But she is perfectly made.  I love every single thing about her with my whole heart.  A month ago I hadn't even met this amazing little one and already my heart would not be whole without her. 

FOUR!!!

My favorite sassy meanie turned four yesterday!  I can't believe it.  I truly can't.  He turned three so quickly after we were home from China with him that it didn't phase me, but for some reason this change from three to four was weighing heavily on my heart.  And now it's here and gone and he is a wonderful four year old and every bit the part. 

I do have to say that he must have gone through some kind of a growth spurt while we were gone.  I know that your other kids always seem bigger when you bring a new little one home, but his clothes fit differently, so I know that he truly did grow.  He SEEMS like a four year old.  His speech changed a bit while we were gone, too.  He learned new words and phrases and they've woven their way into his daily language.  "Fut" is gone forever, I'm afraid.  I loved to hear him say "sa-mell my stinky fut, mama!"  Now he says foot.  I am always sad when one of my favorite "mis-words" goes by the wayside.  Fut has to be one of my most treasured and I will miss it. 

I was a little worried before we left about how Carter would do when we brought Molly Kate home.  He was the one begging me to "come to the China" with us.  He was the one asking WHY we needed a mei mei.  He is my most tender child and the one who lives and breathes for his mama.  I was worried.  And although my head knew that he would come out of it just fine in the end, he's the one who made me wonder if we were making the right choice adding another child to our family so soon.  Steve's parents said his first reaction to seeing a picture of his new sister was "Hmm... She have two hands, not one like me."  I hadn't realized that he thought maybe she would have just one and I was thankful that he gave me that little glimpse into his thoughts. 

I shouldn't have worried about how he'd be with his new sister.  Although he still, rightfully, wants his mama time (and I work really hard to give it to him!), he is a wonderful big brother.  He is caring and tender and generous and all the things I've loved about him since the beginning.  He longs to kiss her on the cheek and is clearly hurt when she refuses to let him.  We'll get there, I promise him, and he tries to make his lower lip stop quivering and reign in the silent tears that threaten to roll down his cheeks.  I haven't decided yet if he wants to love her for her, or if he wants to love her because he knows I do and that he lives and breathes for me hasn't changed one bit.  I know that someday he will love her for her and I pray that they will be good friends since they are only 13.5 months apart in age. 

We're such a long way from where we were a year ago when Carter was freshly home from China and speaking precious little English.  And yet there are plenty of things that haven't changed about him.  He is incredibly caring and tuned in to the emotions of others.  He is empathetic nearly to a fault and worries about others before himself most of the time.  He is my most giving child and my most joyful.  He is the one who will relive a mistake or bad choice and have to be comforted again and again and told that I'm not angry, that I forgive him, that it's okay to move on.  He is an amazing, amazing person and I am thankful every single day that we said yes to him.  Our lives our truly, truly blessed for having him in them and I know that he will be a bright light in the lives of so many others in the years to come.  I can't wait to see what changes the next year will bring!

well I wouldn't say I want to do THAT again...

We had a lovely last day in China - we were mostly packed before Molly Kate woke up.  Then we wandered downstairs to breakfast and then out to the garden for a stroll.  We went up and finished packing and then grabbed a couple of sodas at 7-11 and then decided that one last tiramisu McFlurry was definitely in order.  I finally wised up and got Molly Kate her own this time!  We sat outside in the courtyard and listened to the fountain and watched our daughter play and run around and tease us.  Then we upped the decadence ante and walked down to Starbucks for cranberry white chocolate mochas (and we needed to buy our Guangzhou mug).  We took them back to the room and sipped on them all afternoon. 

Too soon, and then again not, it was time to go downstairs and get Molly Kate's visa package.  Thankfully that went off without a hitch (pretty much guaranteeing that we wouldn't have to be paying flight change fees) and half an hour later we were downstairs checking out of the hotel.  We had an hour to kill, so we stored our luggage and went for a walk.  Molly Kate loves riding in a stroller, so we let her ride and just walked along.  It was a great way to end our time in China. 

At 6pm we headed to the airport and the ride in the van didn't go all that well.  I'm SURE she knew something was up, but she was entirely restless and then crying off and on.  Not the way I wanted to start our trip.  Luckily she calmed down when we got to the airport.  She got a charge out of sitting on the (parked) luggage cart. 

"The Plan" was to let her sleep on the first flight (9pm-midnight) and then get her up for our long (midnight-6am) layover in Beijing, and then hope that she would sleep on the long flight (scheduled for 14 hours) to Detroit.  Part 1, check.  She was out like a light before we even took off and slept the whole flight. So did I, entirely groggy from my dose of Dramamine.  I loaded Molly Kate, sleeping, into the Ergo and bundled her in a blanket so we could WALK off the plane to a bus in the snowstorm.  She woke up as we entered the terminal. 

Midnight to four is a LONG and lonely time when spent in the confines of the arrivals terminal at Beijing.  There were NO restaurants open, nothing but only slightly chilled beverages in the vending machines, and people spread out over multiple chairs (leaving some wanting for a chair at all) sleeping.  Part of the hall was too warm, and part chilly.  We did have some interesting "conversations" (mostly through rudimentary Mandarin and gestures) with some very friendly people in the terminal.  At one point I was sure I could no longer walk straight.  But blessings be, Molly Kate stayed awake the whole time and we made it til 4am when we were able to go through customs and check in for our flight.  Throughout the night, Molly Kate was keen to know the whereabouts of her little purple backpack.  After we checked our bags in, she was even more determined to keep it in her hot little hands.  Since we'd loaded it full of "fun stuff" and snacks for the journey, it proved to be too heavy for her to wear (we didn't intend for her to wear it).  No problem, our creative little smarty pants figured she'd just drag it through the airport.  She had everyone in customs in stitches.  One lady said she looked like a tiny adult as she patiently waited in line, bag in hand.  She made new friends with a couple of little boys and their mom.  They were wowed with her mimicry.  I set off the metal detector and thankfully the security staff were awesome at entertaining Molly Kate while we narrowed down the source of my metal to a WRAPPER I had in my pocket.  For real.  Thankfully we were able to grab a sandwich and one last cranberry white chocolate mocha before we needed to board the plane. 

Once again we boarded the plane and Molly Kate hunkered down for a long winter's nap.  Unfortunately, we then sat at the gate for forty minutes so that "a few more meals can be loaded".  Uhhh....right.  And there's some oceanfront property in Arizona I heard that I can get real cheap.  Then we were informed that we were going to the "de-icing station" for a "few minutes".  That turned out to be 45+ "few minutes" while they de-iced three times over.  I'm all for safety, but it was totally frustrating to realize that we were almost certainly going to miss our connection in Detroit, and we were entirely wasting precious minutes of our two year old sleeping (and being effortlessly entertained and contained) on the plane.  GRRRRR!!!  We dozed for part of the time we remained parked and then finally we took off.  We were heartened to hear that the flight time was actually just over 12 hours rather than 14.  We had hope that we could still make our flight.  Two hours into our journey, Molly Kate was awake.  And she was restless.  For two, she was a trooper.  She watched a little tv.  She read a book.  She played with some cars.  She was done with this plane riding.  Sadly, we were about 4 hours into the flight.  She was tired.  We were tired.  She needed to sleep.  She didn't want to sit still long enough to sleep.  She asked to snuggle in on my chest.  Fine by me.  But then she launched into her "normal" pre-bedtime routine of crying out all of her sadness and uncertainty.  Needless to say, those seated around us were not enthused.  Truly, she was not crying nearly as loudly or for as long as other kids I've experienced on the flight.  But that didn't stop SEVERAL people around me from offering advice (some of the repeatedly).  Despite the fact that I TOLD them that she was overtired and just needed to sleep, they STILL felt compelled to offer such suggestions as 1.  give her lots of water  2.  give her a toy to play with  3.  let her walk up and down the aisle  4.  give her something with SUGAR  All equally useless given that I already said she is tired and overtired at that.  I do not, then, need to hype her up, fill her bladder, tire her out, or entertain her.  SHE NEEDS TO SLEEP!!!!!!!!!  After she finally fell asleep Steve admitted that he knew I was close to cracking and was just letting it go, figuring that the people - particularly the persistent ones - deserved what they got.  In the end I was cordial but firm with all of them and they finally gave up and she finally drifted off.  She slept a few hours more and was in a better mood when she awoke. 

We made it through the flight and even thought we might make our connection as we breezed up to the customs passport check desk.  We even thought we had a chance when she said that they "normally" process the adoption paperwork (the almighty brown envelope) right there, but that we'd need to go into another room "for a few minutes" to have it processed there.  We still held out hope when the officer seemed to be taking his time with wading through the paperwork and filling out a form.  My hope faded significantly when he needed help filling out part of the form and told me that MK's "green card" would arrive in 2 to 6 months.  "You mean her Certificate of Citizenship, right?  She's an automatic citizen."  He checked and then agreed with me.  Then asked a colleague what date to fill in on part of the form.  She referred him to another colleague.  He answered and then when the original officer asked him something about us receiving our Certificate, he said, "No, she has to apply for it."  I interjected that we were told by the Consulate that we would automatically receive it and that we'd received Carter's automatically last year.  He SNAPPED back that "That's not how CIS works."  I'm afraid it is, Officer Freeman, and if you've answered incorrectly and it messes me up, I have your name and am NOT afraid to use it.  Anyway, by the time we finished in that room, ALL of the other passengers had lined up to go through the ONE open customs inspection desk.  A FULL 777 and ONE open customs agent?  It was 7:18 and our flight left at 7:25.  So not going to happen.  They did open two more lines at some point, but the damage was done.  Thankfully we breezed through amidst congratulations from the agent, and found out that there was another flight an hour and a half later that we could get on. 

That flight was uneventful other than that it was the world's tiniest plane.  We had to sit separately, but MK and I got upgraded to Economy Plus.  That meant we were all the way at the front of the plane - and that's a fabulous thing unless you hear the dreaded "meow meow" and have to walk alllll the way to the back of the plane via the most narrow aisle in the history of EVER and have to say "I'm sorry" to at least 37 people there AND back AND it was a false alarm.  The flight attendant was awesome, though, and Molly Kate got some wings and charmed all of those around us by making faces at Babu a few rows back. 

Although in recounting it, it's clear to me (and was even then) that things went relatively smoothly, I still would not choose that particular flight schedule again.  Six hours in the middle of the night in Beijing was just toooo long.  That said, because we got home in the morning and did manage to stay up all day, Molly Kate slept through the night and we have high hopes that maybe she's already on the "right" schedule.  We can hope!

lasts

I cannot believe that I'm up early (well, that part I CAN believe) writing my LAST post from China.  LAST!!!  It truly seems like I was just packing us up to come here and now it's already time to come home.  It's bittersweet for me.  For the first time in the history of our trips to bring home a child, I actually do feel ready to come home.  I've never felt that way before.  I'm not ACHING to get home (other than to see my other kiddos), but I am feeling the pull.  I am feeling like we have done all we can do here (do not confuse that with believing we have seen all there is to see in China - we are FAR, FAR, FAR from that!) this time.  I'm guessing not having slept well much of the trip is playing a part in my feeling that way, or maybe knowing that I'm not anywhere NEAR as prepared for Christmas as I was last year is part of it.  I'm excited (and perhaps wearing rose colored glasses) to be baking cookies with my kids and putting up our tree and decorating the house.  I'm thankful that our decorations stay up until mid-late January so that it will be worthwhile to do it when we get home. 

It's bittersweet for me knowing that this is our last adoption, and knowing that we won't be back to China for at least 8-9 years.  When we came in 2006, we assumed we'd be back in a couple of years and it wasn't bittersweet at all when we left.  We were thrilled and excited to get our baby home.  By the time we returned in 2011, so much had changed, that it really wasn't the same China at all.  Even from 2011 to 2012 there have been big changes, mostly on our beloved Shamian Island - it's no longer a quiet place to walk.  Generators for photography lights hum and there is significantly increased traffic.  I'm not sure what China will look like in 8 to 9 years when we come back.  I know my feelings will fade as we get home and get back to the hustle and bustle of life - as reality creeps in China will become distant.  I guess I just wanted to record that I have these feelings - it's somehow important to me that the kids can someday know how much I love the country that is their roots.  Some people don't understand my love for a country that could institute a one child policy and allow a cultural bias toward boys that means that so many girls were and are abandoned simply for being girls.  And I can't explain it to those people.  I'm not even going to try.  I can't write it down here, either.  For one thing, it would be a LONG story and it's complicated.  For another, I don't know that I could find the words. I do know that I will have them when my children ask and that's good enough for me. 

I'm not looking forward to our journey home.  We leave Guangzhou at 9pm and fly to Beijing.  We arrive at 12am and then have a six hour layover in the middle of the night and leave for Detroit at 6am.  We land in Detroit and have about an hour and twenty minutes to clear immigration and get our bags rechecked and on our flight.  If we succeed in letting Molly Kate nap from Guangzhou to Beijing and then keep her awake from 12am-6am in the airport, and then let her sleep most of the long flight home, then we will probably have made some significant strides in turning her days into nights and her nights into days.  That's still a pretty big IF hanging in the balance.  It's in His hands and ultimately, it's 24 hours almost to the minute.  Even if it is a grueling, slogging 24 hours, it will eventually end and we will be HOME.  And that will be a wonderfully beautiful thing!

12-12-12

12-12-12 was the last "repeat" date that will occur in my lifetime and we did, in my opinion, a bang up job of making it memorable!

We enjoyed breakfast outside, overlooking a huge koi pond and a waterfall. 

We went to the US Consulate in Guangzhou for the very last time, swore that all of the information that we provided in conjunction with this adoption has been truthful (and I cried AGAIN), had our paperwork reviewed, and were congratulated.  In so doing, we completed the LAST official step of our adoption other than handing the mighty (NOT to be opened by anyone except USCIS under ANY circumstances) brown envelope to the immigration officer in Detroit when we land.  As we walked out of the building, I said to Steve, "well that's the last time we'll walk out of that building!" and I heard his foot go down hard on the pavement.  Message received - and joyful so.  As I said in our Christmas letter.  My heart is full.  I have no regrets about growing our family and I have no regrets about saying we are done with that phase of our life.  I'm ready to move on from the growing our family larger to growing it in other ways.  There are so many things we want to do with our kids - we're excited not to be saving money and vacation for adoptions and instead planning and saving to be doing fun things and making memories. 

We unexpectedly ended up back on Shamian Island.  Our guide was taking another family over to exchange some earrings at the pearl market and offered to drop us off on Shamian.  We took her up on it even though it would be somewhat of a tight crunch with needing to be back at the hotel to head out shopping with Ann at 2.  I'm so glad we went, even if it meant going without a camera.  We were able to pick up the last few things that we really wanted to get, we got Molly Kate a chop (with the RIGHT animal on it, even (her birthday falls right around Chinese New Year and she turns out to have 2009's animal, not 2010's), and I was able to take in the Island one last time.  I do think it will be the last time we see it like that.  I know I've probably said that about four times now, but forgive me.  I LOVE the Island and it truly breaks my heart to see it become something so different from what it once was.  There will never be anything like it again.  I can be sure of that.  We ran into lots of folks we've seen "around" while we were here and that was fun. 

We got back to the hotel in time to eat some snacks and use the bathroom, unload, and head out shopping.  I didn't take a single picture while we shopped, and a little part of me wishes that I had.  The way Ann, works, though, there's not a lot of time to be doing that!  I'm excited about the treasures we found.  Almost down to a one, things that I would have regretted not getting if we'd not made a purchase.  We were back to the hotel by 5:30 and HUNGRY. 

Pizza Hut in Guangzhou makes a MEAN Hawaiian pizza and we ordered a large, stuffed crust pizza and then while we waited for that, Molly Kate and I wandered downstairs and got some tiramisu McFlurries to round out our feast.  Molly Kate was a bit on the cranky side and so far is not a fan of pizza, but I don't know how much of that has to do with her cranky state of mind and how much was actually to do with the pizza itself.  We'll find out shortly, because we are a pizza household for sure! 

We were all beat, and Steve followed Molly Kate to bed around 8:30 and I wasn't far behind at 9:15.  Not how I wanted to spend our last night in China, but I'm sure I'll be thankful to be well rested for our long journey home!

Liuhua Park

It was a rough night last night.  For one thing, all of Molly Kate's sadness seems to come to her at night.  I am sure she is missing her beloved Nai Nai, and I'm glad that the sadness does come out, but it breaks my heart to hear her so sad.  On top of that, Molly Kate and Steve both have butt kicking colds and she's having trouble breathing at night.  She was restless all night and then woke up at 3 to use the bathroom and was just tired and sick and feeling yucky about the whole world.  Needless to say, we got a slow start on the day today! 

We barely had enough time for breakfast before we needed to leave for a tour of Liuhua Park.  We've never been before and weren't sure what to expect.

What an oasis!  It was a gorgeous lake park amidst all of the concrete of the city. And boy was it alive!  Tons of trees, gardens, and greenery, but also alive with people and culture.  There were women practicing traditional Chinese dance.  There were older folks playing hacky sack and badminton.  There was a group playing instruments and singing traditional songs.... it was really neat.  And then.... there was a group of older people using exercise equipment and playing table tennis to.... the Macarena.  Over and over.  The Macarena.  I had to laugh inside.  There were people out walking and people's pet birds in cages hanging in trees to get some fresh air.  It was gorgeous and such a welcome reprieve from the hustle and bustle of the city. 

There's a small amusement park in the park and we paid 5RMB (about $0.75) for Molly Kate and Steve to ride a little carousel.  We really weren't sure what to expect.  She LOVED it.  They ended up going on another ride which she also adored.  Bay Beach should be really fun this coming summer.  It was so much fun to see her having the time of her life - giggling and laughing without a care in the world.  Oh my heart!

This afternoon we'd intended to go back over to Shamian Island, but Steve just wasn't feeling up to it, so instead we just got some take-out and hung out in the room.  Then we wandered down to the store to look for dried peas for Molly Kate for the trip home and a bulb syringe so I could try to get rid of some of her congestion.  We found both and also picked up some bakery.  Yum!

Tonight was our group farewell dinner. Being that it's always served family style, Steve opted out to avoid contaminating everyone.  Molly Kate had everyone in stitches and in awe as she packed away the chicken feet before dinner.  She ate four in all and would have eaten more if there'd been any left!  What a kid!  The dinner was good, the company was fun, and afterward I was able to get some cold medication for both of my patients at the pharmacy.  I'm really hoping it works before we have to get on the plane. 

Tomorrow is our consulate appointment where we will receive official approval for Molly Kate to enter the United States.  It's our LAST official thing to do for this adoption.  I"m excited!  I always cry when we take the oath, so I'm sure tears will be shed.  Then we're headed out shopping.  It should be a busy and fun day!

**blogger is not letting me post photos tonight.  I need to get to bed, so I'll do my best to post some photos in the morning!**

bits and pieces

Yesterday was kind of a quiet day.  It was a bit of a lazy morning (with lots of pushing the stroller all over the room).  We had a late breakfast and then went back to the medical center to have Molly Kate's TB test checked - it was clearly negative, as were those of the other kids in our group, so we spent more time on the bus going over and coming back than we did at the medical center.  Fine by me!!!

In the afternoon we went shopping with our guide.  I was able to pick up a special gift for each of my girls and made plans for what I want to get for the boys - we're going shopping with a special shopping guide on Wednesday afternoon, and we know she can help us get what we want for the boys.  We also went back to Shamian Island.  It's where the US Consulate and the Medical Center used to be located and where the White Swan Hotel is located (we stayed there for Kailin's adoption).  With the decrease in adoptions in recent years and with the Consulate and Medical Center gone, so many of the shops we loved when we were here with Kailin are now gone.  Enough remain that adoptive families still flock to the Island, but our guide told us that they are looking to turn it into a tourist attraction and will be adding clubs and more restaurants.  We could already see change from last year at this time, and it made me very sad to think that this might truly be our last time on the Island.  I can't imagine the tree line boulevards will survive a change to a club laden tourist attraction.

I have some bits and pieces I've been meaning to share and just haven't gotten around to or compiled. 

We learned in province that Molly Kate's Chinese name is not pronounced "Lay-lee-ahng" as we had been told previously.  It's actually pronounce "Luh-lee-ahng" which almost sounds like Lillian.  Kind of neat and more beautiful in my humble opinion.  Not sure how we got this far never asking anyone what her name means, but here we are.  I asked our guide today and she said that Le means "happy" and liang means "kind hearted".  Truly, although they chose her name when she was a newborn, they could not have done a better job.  She surely got a joy gene and she is always in tune with the feelings of those around her. 

She has a scar below her lip and it makes me a little bit sad not to know how she got it. 

I gaze at her sleeping either in the evening or in the morning every single day and wonder how I am blessed enough to get to be her mama. 

I felt like I had more bits and pieces, but I can't seem to come up with them right now, so I'll leave this off so that I've at least posted something.  Sorry there aren't too many pictures - we have been using the big camera a lot and I can't get those pictures off until we get home. 

letter C

C is for Christmas, and that's good enough for me!

I had all the best intentions of having this letter pretty well ready to go before we left for China and then just adding in last minute details about Molly Kate.  That's how it worked last year when I was uber organized and feeling great about the trip well before we left.  Instead the reality is that I'm up at 3am in China writing instead.  I was neither uber organized nor feeling great about my level of preparedness for this trip this year.  All's well that ends well, though, and prepared or not we are safely in China awaiting our newest addition later today!  All the little details seem rather inconsequential now!

What a year it's been.  Almost one year ago to the day we were welcoming Carter into our family and now we will be complete with the addition of Molly Kate.  Yes, you read that correctly - don't be looking for any big announcements from us or any more Christmas letters written at 3am in China.  We are done growing our family.  We are so blessed to have four gorgeous children.  Two boys and two girls will round us out nicely.  My heart is content and full and I'm ready to move on in life. 

And....it's over a week later and I'm scrambling to get this published since it's already "late" from what I wrote on our Christmas cards.  It's nice, though, to have gotten to know our newest addition a little better.  I'm just realizing that I don't have any pictures to upload with the letter this year.  Ack!  I will add them in later, I promise. 

Kailin has grown so much - inside and out - this past year.  She is loving second grade and is really starting to get into reading.  Both Steve and I enjoy reading and will be thrilled if she finds it to be as enjoyable as we do.  She is, as always, our fiery and passionate little girl.  She still wears her emotions on her sleeve, but she has made some great strides in learning to temper them a bit  - hopefully never her joy or happiness, but when it comes to frustration, she's come such a long way.  I'm so very proud of her.  Her teacher mentioned at conferences what a great friend she is and how kind she is and I smiled to the very core of my being - academics are one thing, but being a kindhearted person isn't something that can be learned and I'm thrilled to see that her virtues shine through at school.  At home she loves to help out and that is a lovely thing!  She has learned that she really enjoys vacuuming and I have learned that it's fabulous to have a child who loves to vacuum!

Colby is doing great in 5k and has captured the heart of his teacher.  He is doing well in all of his academic areas, and although his teacher reports that she occasionally has to yellow card him, she says that it's all typical 5 year old boy stuff and that he, too, is known in the classroom for his kind heart and concern for others.  She said no detail escapes him and he will be quick to ask about the origins of any bandaid he sees.  It's been fun to see him growing as a person and having relationships outside of our home.  He is huge into Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and all things role play.  He often has a very elaborate castle setup going on.  That doesn't always mix well with a younger brother.  Speaking of younger brothers....

Carter has come such a long way since my last letter!  He's been fluent in English since about March, and is constantly surprising us with his choice of words.  He is a sensitive soul and always very in tune with the emotions of those around him.  His worst fear is disappointing his mama and when he thinks he has, he will live and relive the moment for quite some time afterward.  He is almost always joyful and is such a delight.  His light shines bright and we are so blessed to have added him to our family!  He had surgery on his right arm this summer, but like all things, took it entirely in stride and being in a cast all summer definitely didn't keep him down!  He is also a helper around the house and delights in helping me empty the dishwasher.  He loves all things that go and is often racing trucks around the house or lining up cars or trains. 

Molly Kate is also a joy.  We have just learned that her Chinese name, Leliang, means "happy and kindhearted".  It was well chosen!  She, too, has a "joy gene" and is happy virtually all of the time.  She has been the first child in our travel group to offer to share her food or toys with other kids.  She is a ham, much like her oldest brother, and loves to entertain - the bigger the crowd the better.  I have no doubt that she and Colby will be the dynamic duo.  So far, she seems to be the perfect amalgam of her siblings.  She loves frilly purses and jewelry and playing dolls like her sister, loves to make people laugh like Colby, and is tenderhearted and joyful like Carter.  We truly have been blessed.  She has shown us already that though she may be tiny, she is mighty.  We can't wait to see what the coming weeks and months will bring. 

Steve and I are pretty much the same as we were last year.  One year older and maybe just a bit wiser.  I am truly happier than I have ever been, and although the chaos of four children seven and under will probably get the better of me for a short while, I know that my heart is incredibly full and I am feeling truly peaceful for the first time in a very long while.  I feel complete and am so thankful that God has blessed me with such an amazing husband and four wonderful children. 

As our obligations to school and other activities increase with the kids getting older and we find a greater need to hunker down and have some quiet family time when we aren't running around, we aren't seeing nearly as many of you nearly as much as we'd really like to.  Please know that even if it is seldom that you see us, all of our family and friends are in our thoughts and prayers often.  I pray that this letter finds your family enjoying the peace, warmth, and comfort of this Christmas Season, and that it will spill over into the New Year.   If you're ever in our area, please give us a call - we would love to see you!

With much love,
Steve, Sarah, Kailin, Colby, Carter, and Molly Kate

safari time!

Today we were off on another adventure - this time to the Chimelong Safari Park here in Guangzhou.  We borrowed a stroller for the day - although we don't normally put our newly adopted kids in strollers, Molly Kate's been doing really well and we really felt like she would enjoy the safari park a lot more being able to see and get out of the stroller vs. being in the carrier facing us. 

There are ten pandas living at the Park, and they were definitely a highlight of the day!  They were active and playing much of the time we were watching them.  Another highlight was the tram tour where we got to drive through open habitat areas with free ranging animals. 

I got some really great pictures of the animals, but we had to switch to the 640mb card for our big camera, and my card reader doesn't read it, so I can't really share any of the pictures. 

Molly Kate was not her usual self this morning.  I wasn't sure why.  She perked up some after lunch and we saw a lot more of her usual spunky self.  We got home around 4pm and she napped on the way.  We got into the room and got our shoes off and our joyful imp returned.  She was refreshed and renewed by the nap, I think (even though she slept later than normal this morning).  No matter the reason, she was a spitfire this afternoon!  She was wrestling and playing with Steve, giggling and laughing.  It was really fun to watch.  Later on tonight, she said her first truly intelligible English word.  "Bye bye!"  I was doing laundry in the bathroom and she'd keep toddling in and sliding open the door and then flash me a smile and say "Bye bye!!" and slide the door closed again.  I should probably mention that the whole thing was made much more amusing by the fact that she was entirely nude from the waist down.  I'm not sure why, but on her most recent bathroom trip, she'd decided enough was enough with her pants and diaper (she doesn't need the diapers at all as it turns out, but we didn't bring her any underwear) and off they came.  Watching her chubby little bottom toddle off was pretty amusing for sure!  To be fair, she's also saying a version of "Are you done?" courtesy of me asking her that every time I have her in the bathroom.  It is now the signal to me that she is, in fact, done. 

So since I don't have any pictures today (and oh did I get some adorable ones of Molly Kate smiling!), I'll put up a video of Molly Kate playing with Steve.  Unfortunately, I only got about 30 seconds before she saw the camera and the jig was up.  I apologize - for those who don't use Facebook, you won't be able to see the video.  I've tried at least six times to upload it here, but no luck.

www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10200172352338119

 

say ahhhhhh

Yesterday morning started out a little on the rough side.  Molly Kate had a fitful night of sleep and woke with an extremely stuffed up nose and what I suspect was a very sore throat (from breathing through her mouth all night).  She wailed and wailed and then I ran and got her some water and that seemed to fix her up.  As soon as she was upright, though, she needed to cough to clear out all the gunk in her lungs and throat, and that led to a fit of puking.  I'm glad I knew she didn't have the stomach flu, but I felt terrible for her as she sat on my lap and got it all out.  She was, of course, fine directly after that.  We stripped her jammies off and she ran around in her diaper for awhile.  We put Chinese Dora on for her and she really liked it for awhile.  Then, typical two year old fashion, she was on and off with it and mostly played in the room.  I had been hoping to buy some blogging time, but not so much.  She and Steve both have this nasty cold, so I'm hoping that they're both on the mend well before we have to be on a plane for a long while. 

We went down to breakfast with just enough time to eat before we needed to leave to have Molly Kate's medical exam done.  What I thought was a fluke in the airport is apparently yet another big reveal of our daughter's personality.  It is crystal clear that she and Colby are, in fact, two peas in a pod.  Molly Kate is the biggest social butterfly I have EVER seen.  She LOVES other kids, but knows nothing about personal space.  And Heaven help the kid if they have a snack.  More on that later.  Anyway, there was a family with a little boy sitting behind us and every time one of us would get up for more food, she would turn around to "see where we went" and end up making eyes and chattering at the boy behind us.  It was cracking me up. 

Fast forward to us trying to keep her quiet in the lobby of the hotel where probably 25 families from different agencies were meeting to go to their medicals.  She flitted around from child to child, then tried playing some games with adults and captured the attention and the hearts of every person in the lobby.  I'm not joking - people were craning their necks to watch her giggle and race around playing hide and seek and "trying to get away from me" (she's FAST, so she wasn't really trying or I'd have been in trouble!).  People from all over the world were smiling and looking on.  Middle Easterners, some people from what I think is Australia, all of the adoptive parents, and plenty of Chinese.  I know that some of it is that she looks too young to be as confident a walker as she is - if they put two and two together and realized how many teeth she has, maybe it wouldn't be quite so amazing, but truly her spunky personality would probably have them riveted anyway.  I was glad (and TIRED) when it was finally time for us to go! 

I was a little worried about the medical since during one part they have you take all of the child's clothes off.  Eh, she was FINE.  The doctor confirmed that the red spot in the middle of her back is an hemangioma and not anything more nefarious (because of the vasculature of it, it just might have been "tracks" indicating scabies, but the fact that the rest of her skin is totally fine gave me hope that it was a birth mark).  He asked if we know she has an umbilical hernia.  We do.  He asked what we thought of her intelligence.  I laughed inside.  Steve said, "oh, she's SMART."  The Chinese opinion of Little People, in general, is not high.  They are not welcome members of society - they are considered a bad omen.  So I'm trying to remember if we were asked about Carter's intelligence and I think that we were not.  I do have to give a shout out, and meant to do it earlier, to our guide. She was our guide last year here in Guangzhou and she remembered us at the airport.  The passport pictures that were sent, I guess, were dark and she didn't know us from that.  When we walked up to her at the airport, though, she gave us big hugs and welcomed us back.  She knew a lot about our family, so she really did remember.  Anyway - I digress.  On the way to the hotel from the airport, she was asking about Molly Kate's special need.  "Is she just small?"  I wasn't sure if she meant "going to be short" or "preemie" or what so I said, "well, she has dwarfism."  She said, "Right.  She is just small person (her words for it, I guess).  She has no other special needs?"  Oh right.  Yes. And to us she's just a person.  She said, "I help some other families adopt small people.  And some of them were small people.  And you know what I think?  I think all the small people are way smarter than us tall people."  And Connie tells it like it is.  Always.  So that remark moved her up a few notches in my book. 

They checked her ears and felt her abdomen and weighed and measured her and she was her charming self through the whole thing.  Her eyes got wide in surprise as they injected her with the TB test, but she she nary a tear and held still and then moved on with life.  We were sitting with two other families in our group waiting for everyone to finish.  I pulled out her Cheerios because we are fast learning that food is a motivator for this girl.  Want her to sit?  Bring out a snack.  Want her to stay awake?  Snack.  Another little boy was eyeing the cheerios.   I asked his mom if it was okay for him to have some.  She said it was.  He came over and to my surprise, Molly Kate selected a Cheerio out of her bowl and handed it right to him!   She repeated that a few times and then graciously allowed him to select his own.  He then apparently wore out his welcome or she felt that the level of remaining Cheerios was critically low because I noticed that her own hand remained in the bowl longer and longer.  I dumped some out into the lid for the other little boy and just then the third little guy from our group came trolling.  So we dumped some into a cup for him and all was well with the world.  The Cheerios were mostly gone and another mom got out a package of crackers.  Zing!  Molly Kate did her little butt shuffle to the edge of the chair, climbed down, and was pulled like a magnet to the packaging.  Unabashedly she peered over the other mom's arm.  "Whatcha got there?"  Yep, she scammed another snack.  We had the other moms in stitches with our tales of the Snack Queen and all the snacks she's scammed.  We're starting to think that maybe she's not a dwarf after all.  Maybe she's a hobbit.  She has breakfast, second breakfast, elevensies, lunch, tea, dinner, supper...

After we were finally able to leave the medical office, we went back to the hotel.  We had a couple of hours before paperwork needed to be done and the princess needed lunch.  We didn't know a lot of quick and easy Chinese restaurants around the hotel, so we hit McDonald's for a spicy chicken sandwich for Steve and me and a cheeseburger for Molly Kate.  She's not a fan of chicken nuggets, so our options for her were rather limited.  I might also have picked up a couple of tiramisu McFlurries.  Molly Kate had her first taste of ice cream.  And like Carter, her face was PRICELESS.  She screwed up her face and we laughed so hard!  However, she decided she liked it pretty well just like her brother before her - and ate a good half of my McFlurry. 

I went downstairs to finish up our paperwork.  Hoooooray!!!  Other than remembering to bring the envelope with us to the consulate on Wednesday, our paperwork for this adoption is DONE.  What a relief!  And what a relief that I had all the papers we needed.  I always worry about that. 

Then our guide took us on a walking tour of the neighborhood.  Now we have LOTS of places to eat!  I can't wait to try some of them out!  I suspect we won't get to all of them before we have to go as we are typically not very hungry at lunch, having eaten a large breakfast.  She also showed us the supermarket - Jusco.  They had a deli and we picked up foods on sticks, glutinous balls on sticks that seemed to be popular (they turned out to be fish balls and were delicious and the favorite of all three of us), dumplings, some dim sum, noodles for Molly Kate, and some egg tarts (they are my new favorite dessert - I will HAVE TO find a recipe when we get home!!) all for $9.  Not for dinner for 3 and actually, we have all of the noodles left over.  Yes, that's right.  Molly Kate has proven beyond a doubt that she is ours (Steve's) by snubbing noodles in favor of foods on sticks.  Guilty admission - there were no labels on the foods on sticks, so we just picked some that looked good. One of them turned out to be some kind of organ meat on a stick.  Not hearts.  I don't know what.  I had to spit mine out.  Steve got a bite down but then agreed that it wasn't worth eating.  Molly Kate couldn't get enough.  I just laughed - and let her have them.  Waste not want not. 

Full and fat and happy, we settled in for a quiet evening at home.  We had big plans for big beers, but with Steve sick and me perpetually up early, it was not to be and it wasn't long after Molly Kate was tucked in that we were, too.  She's having a really hard time going to bed.  It used to be anger at bedtime that we were making her lay down, but now I'll lay on the bed and she'll come over and raise her arms to me, knowing that she's tired, but as soon as she starts to lay down (this only happens at bedtime, so I know it's not that laying down is actually painful), the tears come.  I told Steve that I'm pretty sure that at this point, she holds her sadness in all day and then when it gets to be nighttime, it's too much for her.  It makes my heart so sad for her.  I also wonder if there was some special bedtime routine that they forgot to tell us about.  Either way, her cries are sad now at night.  I hope she's able to move past it soon. 

Today we're off to the Safari Park.  I've not heard anyone say that it's not worthwhile, so I'm excited! 

way up in the din din

We were blessed to have breakfast yesterday with another American family we met in our hotel.  This is their first adoption, but fourth child.  We had dinner with them the other night and were sharing some of what we've found helpful through our adoptions.  I was a little worried aftoer that we came off sounding like we're some kind of adoption experts and we surely are not.  But yesterday at breakfast they told us that we were really inspiring and that we gave them hope.  I was so relieved and so blessed to have been able to help another family. 

After breakfast we headed back up to the room to finish getting the suitcases together and get down to the lobby to check out.  A quick picture with our beloved guide, Yan, and we were on our way to the airport.  Molly Kate did great on the long van ride (we'd been told she gets car sick, but I have a feeling that was due to her being so bundled up!) and watching out the window intently for much of the time.

We got to the airport and were able to get our boarding passes, but not check our luggage (too early).  We walked laps up and down the aisles.  Molly Kate often wanted to help pull the carry-on or push the cart with the luggage.  She is revealing more and more of her personality every day.  She loves to help and is very sensitive to the emotion around her.  She is funny and loves to make us laugh.  She is smart as a whip and learns quickly.  She loves to play games.  One that she's been playing since the day we did her paperwork is where she says "You din din!" which apparently means something to the effect of "look up there".  When she says it, we look up.  She giggles.  We play often. 

Bags checked and we made our way to the gate area.  Three other American families were also flying out, but on a different flight.  Their gate was close enough that we could hop on over and visit.  One of the other little girls was from the same SWI as Molly Kate.  While we didn't think that the two had ever met, I'm not so sure I think that anymore!  Marlee and Molly Kate were instantly in each other's space and when Marlee leaned on over and licked Molly Kate, she didn't even bat an eyelash.  Later while we tried to get a picture of the two of them, Marlee got a little personal with Molly Kate's earlobe and again - no reaction.  We had to laugh at their shenanigans.  She heard the crinkle of a wrapper and off she went to see who was eating.  She scammed part of a granola bar from the son of another family and was content to much away on it.  Sheesh - that girl and her food!!

As we were getting ready to board the plane, I was trying to tell her (in Mandarin) that we were going on a plane.  Steve said he wasn't that good.  Instead he said, "We're going way up in the din din!!"  I had to laugh at that one.  Molly Kate did not.  Ha!  I'm always kind of amazed that our kids calmly follow us onto that first plane - but she was happy to come along with us, hunkered down in her seat between us (although she's small enough to almost be swallowed up by it!), and was ready for whatever was about to happen!  We had some delays due to air traffic control and she passed some of the time sitting on Steve's lap looking out the window.  Finally we were off.  She was a bit taken aback by the force when we got up to speed, but she did great and was asleep by about 5 minutes after takeoff.  She didn't much care for descent, but did fine for the most part. 

We made it to the hotel and settled in - we have a really nice room again this year.  We're up on the 22nd floor and the view is awesome.  I'll have to take some pictures and post them at some point.  We were able to have dinner (Mexican - in China!) with two other families I "met" on a DTC group I'm on.  It was really fun to connect with people I've "known" throughout the journey.  I was BEAT, so I headed to bed the same time as Molly Kate. 

our last morning in Nanchang

*sorry about the weird font and spacing, as I was sitting here at 5:30, I couldn't get connected to the internet, so I typed it all in Word and then had to paste*

I’m sitting here at 5:30am listening one last time to a sleepy city beginning to wake up.  Nanchang is a very noisy city and but for a few short hours in the dead of night, you can always hear the sounds of cars, buses, trucks, horns honking, construction going on, and more often than not – firecrackers.  This region is known for firecrackers and particularly on the weekends, they ring throughout the city as happy couples are wed.  There were tons of them just down on the street from our window this past weekend and I don’t think a day has gone by when we haven’t heard them.  The lights are always on here – large, colorful displays on almost all of the buildings.  They, too, are only missing for those few darkest hours of night.  As much of a country girl as I am, I’m really going to miss Nanchang.  I’ve grown to appreciate the chaos and the noise and in the bleakest of nights, those first few sounds gave me hope that morning was near. 

As the quiet turns to the sounds of the city, I am thinking about how much we’ve enjoyed our time here – and how I’ve tried to soak in the sights and smells and sounds so that when my daughter someday asks me what her country was like, I can tell her with confidence what the city where we met her was like. 

 I struggle with not visiting the city where she has lived her whole life.  I want to see the spot where she was found and I long with all of my heart to meet her foster mother.  I know that even if we had traveled to her city, we would not have been allowed to meet her foster mother and I understand why that is.  I have the hope that we will be allowed to meet her when we return to visit in a few years, but the honesty of it is that she is quite elderly and I fear that she may not be around anymore.  I am thankful that the decision to meet her on this trip is out of my hands. 

With the city still a little sleepy, I can hear Molly Kate slumbering in the bed across the room.  By this time of morning I can be sure that she has her leg flung up and onto Steve and probably an arm as well.  She craves human touch during the wee hours of the night and although she is fine sleeping on her own for much of the night, it’s almost as if she can sense those darkest hours and then she can’t be peaceful until she is touching one of us.  With the light of the city to guide me, I looked over at her just before I got out of bed to write this and am still in awe that this amazing child is ours. 

There was a time not long ago when we were on the bubble about having a fourth child.  There were so many what ifs.  So much to think about.  And we never got all of our answers.  In many ways this last adoption has been a leap of Faith.  We felt God pulling us toward one more child and we surrendered to His will.  He blessed us with knowledge and Grace throughout the process and now has blessed us with a truly amazing daughter.   Already I cannot imagine life without her and it makes me terribly sad to think for more than a minute about what we would be missing out on if we’d not heeded that pull in our hearts – if we’d passed her by to feel a little more safe with our choices.  Parenting lots of kids is surely not for everyone, but this is my plea to all of those out there who read my blog – if your heart is leading you to another child yet you are letting the what ifs change your mind, ask yourself this – “Will I ever bring home a child and then say ‘I really wish we hadn’t done this’ or will I find myself forever wondering what wonderful little soul my family is missing?”  Yes, there comes a time (now, for us) when you know your family is complete.  I am not speaking to that.  Nor am I suggesting that everyone can choose to have another child and everything will just be okay.  My point is this – if the pull is there, if you are a person of Faith and feel Him leading you, if what’s standing in your way are what ifs and not certainties, then I ask you to search your heart and lean on your Faith and wait for His answer.   Our last two children have been leaps of faith, truly, and stepping out and being brave – not because of their special needs – but because we are not a family of means.  We live frugally for the most part and there is not much left over at the end of the month.  We will not pay for our children to go to college – we will help them as much as our budget allows if that is the choice that they make, but there will be no full rides in our house.  We probably won’t have a lot of big family vacations in the next few years – maybe ever.  We don’t always have new clothes and we eat what is on sale this week at the grocery store.  But we will have each other.  And in the end, as long as there is food on the table and heat in the house – isn’t that more important than the other stuff?   When my older kids want the latest fad and have to wait for Christmas or their birthday, I know the day will come when I will hear “it’s not fair!”  And maybe in that moment they wouldn’t agree, but I know that in their heart of hearts, having their youngest brother and their little sister is worth far more than a pair of jeans or a pair of the newest shoes.    I have my eye on the prize and I’m not afraid to admit it.  When my children are grown and have moved away and have families of their own, I pray the value of family I instill in them now will have them all joyfully piling into my normally quiet house.  That we will be overcome with noise and chaos if for only a few days a year.  That all of the things we didn’t have will melt away because of what we do have – a beautiful family.  We are blessed beyond measure and I am so very, very glad that we took this chance. 

Those are my thoughts this early morning in Nanchang – that a week ago as we boarded a plane we had no idea what blessings would abound.  So much has changed in a week’s time, so much changes in a day right now.  It’s stressful at times and emotional almost always, but it is worth every moment and my heart could not be more full nor could I be any happier than I am right now.  And that is a truly amazing feeling.

porcelain shopping

Our guide took us porcelain shopping this morning.  Jiangxi is known for porcelain, and I wanted to get something for Molly Kate for when she grows up.  There is a whole street of porcelain shops not at all far from our hotel - we would never have known!!  I was able to pick out a lovely tea set for Molly Kate, a brown tea pot (made with special mud and not porcelain) that I've been wanting since we came in 2006, and a few gifts.  They'll ship everything to our hotel in Guangzhou and we'll decide from there if we want to ship it home or take it as carry on. 

Then we went to a local dumpling restaurant for lunch.  YUM!!!!!  It was beyond tasty and cost $10 for 3 adults and a child to eat.  And lest you think the child part of that is insignificant, let me tell you that unless distracted, our tiny daughter would eat her body weight in food alllllllll day long.  We were joking today that maybe she's really a hobbit.  She has breakfast, second breakfast, elevensies, lunch, tea, dinner, supper....and snacks in between.  We know that as a little person she'll be more likely to gain weight and it'll be harder for her to take it off, so our plan is to prevent that as much as possible.  In these first days, though, when she's stressed and grieving and we're forming bonds of trust, taking her food away would not be the best plan.  So eat she does!!  

Full and happy, we came back to the room to relax a bit before taking a walk back down to August 1st Square to take some pictures.  I decided to get us packed up since we leave for Guangzhou tomorrow.  I've been portioning out Molly Kate's "goodies" so that she gets something new and exciting every other day or so.  As I was packing, I found a very girly pink purse my wonderful friend Yvette sent her.  I called her over and gave her the purse.  She immediately slung it over her shoulder.  I heard Steve groan.  Yep, he got another girly girl!!  She loaded stuff into and out of the purse for hours and tried to put some rather large items in there as well.  It made us laugh. 

She spent some time pushing the coffee table around and around - one of her favorite pastimes. 

We walked down to August 1 Square just about dusk.  It was a great time to be down there.  We blew some bubbles and they turned the lights on on the ground and on the bridges.  Molly Kate was totally intrigued.  As we let her walk around, she attracted a lot of attention.  Two older women approached and asked how old she is.  I said 2 (held up 2 fingers).  They thought maybe 1.  Nope, 2.  Then they asked me some questions in Chinese.  Sorry, I don't speak Chinese.  So off they went.  It turns out they were trying to find someone who spoke English so they could ask their questions.  They couldn't, so they came back to try again.  They held their hands up to indicate that she's small.  "wei, xiao" I replied.  Then they showed me that they noticed that her legs are much shorter than her torso.  Wei again.  Then we exceeded my ability to converse in Chinese.  They were just determined to have their questions answered.  Still finding no one to ask us, they had to give up.  They were truly interested and I felt bad that I wasn't able to explain to them.  We had a great time, took lots of pictures and headed back to the hotel to feed the eternally hungry one and finish packing. 

We've definitely made huge steps today. Today she's trusting not just tolerating. I got a bona fide hug today and she's sharing food with us. We got tons of smiles and she is chattering away like a crazy woman. She's a jokester and she and Colby are going to be a force to be reckoned with!

It's late and we have a big day tomorrow, so I'm going to call it quits and head to bed

. 

People's Park

Yesterday we toured People's Park.  It meant giving up the Teng Wang Pavilion, a beautiful historical site, but we tend to want to experience the culture when we can and I knew that People's Park would be a great choice.  And it was - it was lush and green and natural whereas we've been in the midst of the city all week. 

We saw some women practicing traditional Chinese dance when we first walked in - it was graceful and beautiful and nearly took my breath away.  They were just regular women meeting daily to dance, but it was just plain moving. 

We walked along the path and I unabashedly took photos of anything and everything.  We were quite a spectacle with a Chinese baby and our guide explained our situation (that we are Americans and yes, this is a Chinese baby) more than once.  She told us that adoptions are not as common here as they are in some other provinces and so many people aren't accustomed to seeing westerners at the Park and especially not westerners with a Chinese baby.  We turned down one path and a woman excitedly approached us and said, "Hello!" in English.  We returned the gesture and then an older gentleman and his wife approached as well and while she chatted with our guide, her husband started a conversation with us.  The original lady hung around and they took turns asking us questions.  They were genuinely curious and very friendly, so we didn't mind answering.  Some of the questions were a bit of a challenge - "why do you want a Chinese baby and not your own" was easier than "but why China?  Why spend your money and time coming HERE?"  "Why four children?"  "Why this child"  They were genuinely wondering and trying to understand and were so friendly and kind hearted.  The older gentleman asked what part of the States we were from and then went on to tell us that he'd spent 4 months in the States years ago (in the late 80s) and had seen LA, New York, San Francisco, DC, and Philly.   It was a lovely experience and in retrospect I should have asked if we could take their picture. 

I was making conversation with our guide about lots of different things - asking questions about guiding, about family life in China, etc.  Then she mentioned her husband - she hadn't before.  And I asked if she has children.  She has two!  A girl and a boy, ages 5 and 2.5.  I asked if she has siblings.  She does not and neither does her husband.  I supposed that was why they were allowed two children.  She said that actually the one child policy really only applies to government workers anymore and that if you pay the fee to have a second child, it's no problem at all.  I found that very interesting.  She went on to say (please stop reading now and skip to the end if you're not prepared for a very frank discussion about the cultural biases and one child policy) that her housekeeper just asked for a month off to take care of her daughter (the housekeeper's daughter, not Yan's) who had just had an abortion at 5 months along because her husband's family did not want them to have a second girl.  I told Yan that makes me incredibly sad and she said that she was sad about it as well.  It is probably very prejudiced of me, but I thought that she would probably have been more accepting of it as a cultural norm.  She said that recently someone came up to her in her ancestral village and asked her to help figure out the sex of the baby she was carrying.  Yan said she could tell it was a girl by the shape of her belly (she was 8-9mos along), but didn't want to "help her in that way", so she told her that if the baby was born that day, it would live and that she should not abort the baby, but send it away if she did not want it.  She told me that the woman followed her suggestions.  I said that I was thrilled to hear that both as a person and as a mother - that if my children's mothers had made a different choice, I wouldn't have my kids.  The look she gave me then said that she'd never thought of it that way before.  We continued on with discussions about adoption (she had some questions of her own) and I have to say that it was a lovely conversation and the first time I've ever REALLY talked with one of our guides.  It will be special to me always.

During lunch we got to talking again and she admitted that she expected us to be Little People before she met us.  She didn't understand why we would choose to adopt a child who would be looked at differently her whole life.  It wasn't that she thought no one should adopt her - she just truly didn't understand why we would choose that.  I said, "well, she's going to be looked at differently whether she's ours or someone else's.  Better that she have a family who loves her as she is and doesn't feel sorry for her."  Again, I saw something in her eyes - I made her think a little differently about things and I felt really good about that.  I think I gave her a better understanding of adoption yesterday and I'm very thankful that I was able to do that. 

It was a truly lovely morning.  The afternoon was marred a bit by grief.  While I would say we are continuing to make forward progress, grief overcame our angel a few times yesterday.  A minor head bump that today had her giggling and making fake groaning sounds or saying "Aiya!" yesterday had her dissolved into tears for half an hour.  But from that grief, from those ashes, has emerged a child ready to trust a little more today.  A child who gave me a bona fide hug.  A child who screamed "Mamaaaaa!!!!" when she needed help in the bathroom.  A child who shared her food with us.  From the ashes is coming beauty and it was so worth the wait!

bathing beauty

I'm going to go all out of order here - I feel like I'm so far behind and this is the shortest and easiest of the posts I want to make.  I'm just exhausted tonight.  I think jet lag is still a factor and the stress and emotion of everything going on... all adds up to tired mama and daddy!

Today was an up and down kind of day.  We were doing pretty well and then all of a sudden she barely bumped her head and then whined and wailed for a good 30minutes.  I'm sure that the bump was the straw that broke the camel's back and it was her grief and sadness spilling out.  She was a lot better after, but had another good cry later in the afternoon.  Poor little thing.  Hoping she continues to move past and continues to let it all out, too.  As hard as it is to see her sad, I want her to have real feelings and not hold them in. 

Anyway, one of the distractions we thought we'd try this afternoon is a bath.  We hadn't given her one yet as it can be traumatic for the kids and we sure didn't think she needed anything else.  Leaning on some sage words of wisdom (thanks, mom!), we lined her stacking cups up on the side of the tub and pushed them in one by one.  I didn't need to ask her twice.  In she went!  She was only a little timid at first, and was soon splashing and laughing and dumping water in her cups and flinging water with her cups.  And then she was pooping. Oh ick.  Yes, pooping.  Four children and she's the first to poop in the tub.  And in the hotel.  With the beloved stacking cups in there with her.  Ick. Ick. Ick.  We did the best we could and then loaded her back in. 

She stayed in the tub until she was beyond a Princess Pruneytoes.  She finally wanted out and then ran around naked for a good long while.  She later determined she wanted back in again, so maybe another bath tomorrow will be in order.  The way she eats, it probably won't be unwarranted!  I'm so glad that what could have been a little ugly turned out to be a really positive bonding experience!