Merry, merry Christmas!

Dear Family and Friends,

It's time to hang the stockings (check!), it's time to light the lights (check!).  It's time to drink some eggnog with the Gannaways tonight!  It's time to make the cookies, it's time to bake them right!  It's time to cover the past year on the Christmas note tonight!  It's time to wrap the presents (haven't started), it's time to right the tree (fell over yesterday), it's time to get things started on the most sensational, inspirational(?), celebrational(!), Gannanational(?!?) This is what we call the Christmas note!  (Come on, you know you all sang that to the tune of the Muppet Show....)

Faster than I'd like, Christmas approacheth and 2013 is quickly coming to a close.  Where did it go?  Cliche, I know, but so true for us right now.  We make an honest effort to stop and enjoy and try to fully live this season of our lives, but with four young children, the time goes by far quicker than we ever imagined. I'm quite positive I can still find enough to talk about to get you into a Christmas coma, so grab some wine and settle in.  It's another Gannaway Christmas letter!

We're so thrilled to be home as a complete family this Christmas Season.  The last two Christmas Seasons have been spent split apart with total chaos and the season seeming entirely too short.  This year we're together with total chaos and a season that actually IS chronologically entirely too short. I'd be a liar if I said we didn't feel a pull to be packing for a trip to China this year, but it was merely a tourist interest this time and not that pull in my heart that says one of our children awaits (much to Steve's immense relief!). 

Kailin is in third grade now and growing up so fast.  She's often walking the line between being a little girl and being a young lady and it's definitely a bittersweet line for this mom.  I'm pretty sure she was just holding my finger, learning to walk last week.  Kailin has truly grown to love reading this fall.  It's been really fun to see her interest take off and her delight in the world she finds in books.  She is still our fiery, spicy Hunan girl and her emotions are ever present on her sleeve (just like her mom).  She's learning how to reign in frustration and anger, but I pray she will always let her joy spill over.  She's happily involved in Brownies (and equally happy to be uninvolved in sports of any kind) and has lots of fun adventure there.  Kailin is a girly girl and finally persuaded me to let her get her ears pierced earlier this year.  She is eagerly awaiting the go ahead to wear "dangly" earrings.  She is a talented artist and spends a good deal of her free time drawing, crocheting, and knitting.  She is a "mini-me" through and through!

Colby is our resident first grader.  He is finding so much adventure in first grade and is navigating the social arena that all day school brings.  Math is where he excels, but he's coming along with his reading, too.  He has no use for vowels at all (leading me to believe that perhaps he should have been born in Russia), so that can be a challenge!  He played baseball over the summer and soccer this past fall and really enjoyed both.  He's ALL BOY in every sense of the word and for a mama who grew up with only a sister, it's been an eye opening experience!  He loves video games and still loves playing with his castle set - making elaborate set ups and having a ball with his "guys".  He adores all things art and is often making fairly elaborate drawings of action scenes or Minions.  He's quite a little artist and I love to see him express himself.  We were graced, this month, with a "Nin-gingerbread" man that had us all in stitches for quite some time as Colby explained that he'd given him candy canes in place of nunchuks.  Oh my. 

Carter is about to be five.  FIVE!!!  One more day to go.  He is excited to leave four behind.  I'm not so sure about that.  He's grown like a weed this past year and is very tall for his age which breaks this mama's heart just a little bit more - he's surely not the almost three year old we brought home in December 2011!  Carter started 4k four mornings a week this fall and loves it!  He is so excited to board the bus in the morning and has an adoring relationship with his teacher (it's very mutual, she tells me).  He tried out tee-ball over the summer and soccer this fall.  Soccer seems to be his game - he was a real go getter and always keen to be at the front of the drill line!  I think it's a good fit.  Carter is still our tender heart and is often more sad that he's hurt someone than he is when he gets hurt.  He loves to be loved on and I'm always happy to oblige!  I know the rest of 4k is going to whiz by and soon he'll be learning to read, too.

Molly Kate is a three year old whirlwind!  She is always on the go and keen to tell you all about it.  Her English is really coming along and her comprehension is fantastic.  We learned in March that she had a 35-40% hearing loss in both ears (a common issue in children with dwarfism).  In April she had tubes placed and we realized just how much she hadn't been hearing.  We're so thankful that she can hear well now and it's made a huge difference in her language development!  She's home with me during the day and loves to play all things "food" and "baby" and also has a penchant for games of all kinds.  That's a hit with this game loving mama for sure!  She'll head off to school this coming Fall and let me tell you - she is counting the days!

Our children are our biggest blessings (and often, our greatest challenges).  Kailin is witty and helpful and always my problem solver.  Colby is our comic relief and my go-to guy for a snuggle if I'm feeling down.  Carter's often-present smile can warm a room and always warms this mama's heart.  His "can-do" attitude is an inspiration to us and to others.  Molly Kate's light shines bright and spills over.  She is enchanting and incredibly easy to love.  She is charismatic and a joy most days.  We honestly couldn't have begun to imagine the blessing these children would bring when we embarked on this journey eight years ago.  

Steve and I are about the same, to be honest.  We just celebrated our tenth anniversary last week.  I'm not sure where those ten years went, but we sure have had some adventure along the way!!

Our year has been very full.  We had to say goodbye to Steve's Grandma, Ida, this spring and two of our beloved dogs this summer, but welcomed baby Tyler on my side of the family and a new (to us) dog, Maggie, in May and June.  We have been blessed to spend time wonderful friends, old and new,  this year and have had many joyful family adventures together.  We're hoping to take a big family road trip next summer - west!  I'm sure that will be fodder for next year's Christmas letter as there will be many looong hours in the car!

We truly pray that your year has been one of blessing, that your hearts and homes overflow with joy and warmth this season and that the New Year will be one where the joyful adventures overshadow the challenges in your home and in ours.  Time goes so fast and we don't have nearly the opportunity to connect and visit with our friends and family the way we'd like to.  Please know that although you may not see us often, you are never far from our thoughts and prayers.

With much love,
Sarah, Steve, Kailin, Colby, Carter, and Molly Kate

Unbroken

Our Christmas tree just fell over.  This is not the first Christmas tree disaster we've suffered through the years.  We had one fly off the roof of the car en route to our house.  Another year the dog leaped up from her peaceful slumber just seconds before the tree toppled.  And still another year I found myself in tears as I struggled to right the tree while serving breakfast to several young children.  It was a big tree that year, I'd discovered that my beloved angel ornament - always the first on the tree and the last off - had broken her wing, and I was just frustrated and terribly sad.  This year, however, I simply found myself thankful that no one was hurt when the tree toppled and even though we lost the ornament I bought Kailin the year she came home, one of the snowflake ornaments from our wedding, and the ornament we bought on our honeymoon is damaged (but salvagable),  I wasn't even one bit sad over the ornaments. 

My heart did break a little bit, though, when I realized that I didn't get a picture of the tree before it fell.  This is the first Christmas in my memory that I didn't have anything to do with decorating the tree.  I didn't even hide the pickle - Kailin earned that privilege.  I loved how the tree turned out - clumped up ornaments and all.  I had been meaning to take some pictures, but was still trying to figure out the best lighting, and to be honest, filling Christmas crochet orders.  Now my opportunity is lost forever because I have had a hand in the tree - I replaced the dozen or so ornaments that flew off in the fall.  And then I took some artsy photos of the shards to post here.  A little "ode to broken" if you will.  I went to get my card reader so I could upload them and there was my memory card, plugged into the reader.  The shards are long since cleaned up and thrown away and that opportunity, now, is also lost.  It's a good lesson in taking the time to do something in the here and now.  There are no guarantees of later.

I've been doing a lot of thinking this Christmas about the broken.  Not only about the people who are broken this Christmas - who are feeling hopeless and alone, who are mired down in needing "more" and wondering how to pay for it all, who feel like they aren't enough, but about what Christmas has become.  It wasn't many Christmas' ago that I was broken, too.  That first year that we didn't exchange gifts felt so alone to me.  I'm still not sure why, but I know it was a very very dark time in my life.  I'm so thankful to have been lifted from that darkness.  I'm thankful that I can remember that the light of Christ shines whether there are a hundred gifts under the tree or two or none.  If my name isn't on a single box under the tree this year, I'll still be surrounded by the greatest gifts God has given me - my husband, my kids, and our families.  It's taken me a long time to realize that and I'm proud to be a little less broken than I used to be. 

I have a ways to go yet, but I'm working on it.  We chose what we feel are meaningful, or useful, gifts for our kids this year.  We hope to teach the value of quality over quantity.  Santa is bringing gifts addressed to us all - to share - and they all revolve around family togetherness.  We are encouraging aunts and uncles to help us have experiences - like museum memberships and movie tickets - rather than add another toy to the pile.  I've brought the joy back to my Christmas Season and I pray that I will continue to find ways to do so.  I've not carved out enough time for the things I love about Christmas this year, and I am committing now to change that next year.  One little step at a time, I will move toward being unbroken. 

two!!

A week ago today (do you see a theme here?) Carter had been ours for two years.  TWO YEARS!!!  I can't believe it's only been two and then just like with Molly Kate, I can't believe it's already been two.  Next week, he'll turn FIVE.  I'm really struggling with that.  I feel like he was two just yesterday.  I know that Christmas time will always make me wonder where the time has gone with those two kids. 

Carter's changed so much since we met him and yet he is still the same boy we fell in love with in those early days.  His joyful smile can still light up a room - and lights up my heart every single day.  Carter's still the most likely of our children to be "into something".  And he's still the most afraid of being caught in the act (too bad that fear doesn't seem to deter him from getting into mischief - it only serves to prompt him to hide while engaging in it!).  He is a sensitive soul who is just as likely to cry if he's hurt someone else as he is if he's the one who's been hurt.  He can't let go.  He'll cry again 20 minutes from now over something he did 20 minutes ago that has long been forgotten by everyone else.  I love his tenderness and then again it often drives me a little batty. 

It's been a joy and a blessing to call him ours these two years and to watch him grow from a toddler into a young boy.  I can't even begin to imagine the changes we'll see in these next two years when I'll be back to say that he's... gulp...turning SEVEN.  I know one thing - it will be an adventure!

promises, promises

Today our family walked into a courtroom (frankly, I hope it's the last time we all need to be in a courtroom together!).  Steve and I took turns taking the stand where we assured a judge that we understood that we MUST provide Molly Kate with food, shelter, clothing and education.  We promised that we fully understood that in having the State of Wisconsin recognize her adoption, it means that Molly Kate can inherit from us - and we from her.  We agreed - to it all - and it was as easy as breathing. 

It struck me tonight as I was tucking my merry little sprite into her bed that a year ago on this night, bedtime was much rougher.  Bedtime was always the time that Molly Kate's grief overcame her.  She would raise her tired little arms to me and I would bring her into the bed - on my chest - where she would dissolve into pitiful tears until exhaustion overcame her and she drifted into sleep.  Things could not be more different this year - she is most often glad to go to bed.  She runs hard all day and she's "tire" by the time bedtime rolls around.  She's comfortable.  She's safe, she's warm, and she knows that we love her. 

We promised, a year ago in China, to love her and provide for her forever.  It was as easy as breathing even then - there was never any question.  But now...well...now it's different.  Now we know just exactly who we're promising for and that makes it even easier than breathing.  It was my honor today to pledge to be her mama forever and ever.  I pray that those of our children for whom it's a challenge to remember that we will love them forever and ever.  Absolutely. Without question. were listening and heard those words - those promises - and the ease with which we made them.

One year of thanks

Last Monday (yeah, a day(week) late and a dollar short AGAIN) we celebrated Molly Kate's 1 year Family Day anniversary.  One YEAR?!  How is that even possible?!  And then in the same breath I want to say ONE year?  ONE?!  How is that even possible?! 

We've come so very far in a year.  She came to us very loved, but lied to and very frightened.  Then angry, sad, and grieving.  My heart ached for her every minute of the day.  I've finally begun to prove to her that I will come back.  Every.single.time.  Always.  Her ability to believe it is still, most often, lacking.  She will fight tooth and nail to come with me.  It doesn't matter where I'm going.  It runs deeper than a child who just doesn't want to stay home.  It runs to the very core of her being - she isn't absolutely sure she'll ever see me again.  And it scares her to death.  While it's wonderful to be loved in that way - to make someone feel safe and secure to the point where they will choose to be with you over any other human being on the earth, but it's a bittersweet wonderful when you know that the need to be with you stems from fear of loss so tremendous you couldn't imagine being able to bear it again.  Molly Kate is much more profoundly affected by her transition into our family.  Every day. 

From our perspective, Molly Kate has melded into this family like she's always been here.  She is deeply woven into the fabric that makes our family what it is and we can scarcely imagine life without her.  Yet just two years ago we didn't even know she existed.  And that is one of the beautiful things about adoption. 

We weren't sure we wanted to say yes to another child.  We REALLY weren't sure that we wanted to say yes to dwarfism.  As with all of our other children, though, when we saw Molly Kate's face none of that mattered.  She was ours.  And she's the best risk we've ever taken. 

Her light shines so bright it fills a room.  She is funny, tenacious, tender, loving, spunky, smart, and the light of our lives.  Her smile always reaches (and squinches) her eyes and it is contagious.  Her laughter remains elusive but is one of my very favorite sounds.  She is joyful most of the time and she is insanely easy to love. 

Christmas Season is upon us and although we celebrated last year, having her home to experience all of our traditions has given this Season new joy.  Most often, Molly Kate is joy embodied and I am so blessed to be her mom.  So thankful.